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                                                  Ooops, better not lose my cool!

 

Teens-See How Can I Deal With My Anger?  visit:

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/question/emotions/deal_with_anger.html

 

For Kids

 

Your mom just told you there's no way she's letting you out of

the house until you clean your room - as if you were about 6

years old. What starts out as mild annoyance turns into red-hot

anger as you pick up the magazines and dishes from your floor.

How dare she? You're not a child! Before you know it, you've

kicked a big dent in your closet door and yelled at your little sister

(and now you're grounded for the whole weekend).

Well, this is one way to cope with anger. After all, you've expressed

yourself and you've calmed down. And now you'll have lots of time

to think about how it may not have been the best approach as

you sit around watching reruns with you sister on Saturday night.

Why'd you fly off the handle so quickly? In fact, some days you

wake up angry - what's the deal?

Some of it may be the changes your body's going through - all those

hormones you hear so much about can cause wild mood swings and

confused emotions. Some of it may be stress - people who're under

a lot of pressure tend to get angry more easily. And part of it may

be your personality - you may just be someone who has a short

fuse. Or maybe you're the type of person who gets more and more

mad until you finally blow up. But no matter what the cause, you're

sure to get angry sometimes. And that's OK.  There's nothing wrong

with feeling mad.

What you want to learn is how to identify the fact that you're ticked

and deal with it effectively - that is, in ways that don't get you

grounded.

One productive way to deal with your anger (one that works great with

parents in particular) is the "cool down" approach. Here it is in four

easy steps:

• When something gets you really steamed, try to stop,
  calm down, and think before you do or say anything.

• Once you're calm, try to say what the problem is and
  how it makes you feel. ("Mom, I don't like it when you
  hand out a punishment before you've even given me
  the chance to do what you've asked. It makes me
  feel like a little kid.")

• Try to think of some solutions and what the consequences
  of the solutions would be (one solution here would be not
  cleaning your room - but if you thought about it, you'd
  see where that would get you).

• Explain your solution and try to put it into action. ("In the
  future, would you please tell me what you'd like me to do
  first and wait to see if I do it before you threaten punishment?")

This can turn out well for everyone - you focus your attention on stopping

your anger, you get to say how you feel, and hopefully, your mom won't

talk to you in that way that enrages you again. But if this approach sounds

a little too formal, there are other things you can do. Here's a list of

suggestions:

• Listen to music (with your headphones on) and
  dance with some anger-inspired energy.

• Write it down - in any form, poetry or a journal for example.

• Play a sport or work out.

• Meditate or practice deep breathing.

• Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. (Lots of
  times there are other feelings such as fear or sadness
  underlying anger. Talking about these feelings can help.)

• Distract yourself - watch TV or go to the movies.

You might even try going somewhere secluded and yelling at the top of your

lungs. What we don't recommend is screaming at the person you're mad at,

whining, sulking, or any kind of physical threat or attack. These things are

likely to escalate the situation - and maybe even hurt someone.

Tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor, or another adult you trust if you:

• have a persistent feeling of anger over things that have
  happened to you in the past

• feel consistent rage at yourself

• start feeling anger that lasts for days or makes you
  want to hurt yourself or someone else

These could be signs of depression - and you shouldn't have to handle that

alone.

 

Resource:

ADOL (Adolescent Directory Online)
http://education.indiana.edu/cas/adol/adol.html
Sponsored by the Center for Adolescent Studies at Indiana University,
this site has links to pages dealing with issues such as physical and
emotional health and conflict and violence.